I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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