well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
