paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
