There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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