i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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