So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
