What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
