Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
