I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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