I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
