Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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