I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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