Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
