Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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