True but thats because hes a fetus.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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