I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
