my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
