I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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