He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
