i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
