apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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