What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
