maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
