I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
