Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
