I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
