I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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