We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
