Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
