Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
