i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
