): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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