I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
