He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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