Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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