another moral hangover. fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
