You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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