'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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