It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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