Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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