sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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