How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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