You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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