There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
