they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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