Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
