im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
