now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can't just leave with hair like that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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