I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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