Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
