I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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