I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
