You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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