he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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