I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My hand turned me down
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
