Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
