So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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