she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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