In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
