Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
