i don't like sucking hair
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
