I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
